The World Is Full Of Diamonds

I have a neighbor somewhere very close to my apartment that loves reggaeton. But not all reggaeton...oh no, a variety of songs would be too much to ask for. Just the same song over and over again, whether it's 11 PM on a Friday or 9 AM on a Sunday. And all I can here through the walls is the beat of the song and it gives me horrible flashbacks to reggaeton dances in college shows. So now I'm doing my best to blast The Cardigans (oh, so that's where the title to this post came from!) and pretend that Wisin y Yandel don't actually live next door.

Life is slow in a nice kind of way. Not much money, but not too many cares in the world either. I went out today and walked around the city for awhile, enjoying the unseasonably warm weather. I mean, really, 60s and sunny? No winter coats or even scarves yet? Then I went to a book reading at Shakespeare and Co.. Saw an interesting author, a Brit named Tobias Hill. He writes a bunch of historical thrillers which I really don't care about but he writes interesting poetry. If you're in London, you should bother to read his poetry collection all about London. It's nice and rhythmic. Echo-like.

I'm hoping to get a day job on Wednesdays tutoring this girl in English. Just that tiny bit of supplemental income could make all the difference. I'm actually quite enjoying the job I already have though. The kids are actually adorable and can be a lot of fun, even though it is difficult to run around in a park with a 6 month old baby on one hip while trying to sword fight a two year old with a stick with the other hand.

I often wonder if we perhaps all want too much. We are all only capable of doing so much and there is a reason for that. We cannot make every single moment electrically happy. We cannot expect every single person to be world-shaking and life-changing for us. And continually throwing ourselves against the world with all of these hopes and dreams and desires will only cause us to shatter. Sometimes I feel like we just need to stop throwing ourselves. We need to stop thinking that our lives must play out like those that do on film. We need to get rid of that romantic fantasy that life must be all kisses on top of the Eiffel Tower and long-lost friends running into each other's arms on wind-swept heaths in England or whatever other Bronte-like fairy tale you can come up with. It doesn't have to be like that. And I think that life gets angry when we tell it what it has to be. Life doesn't like to be pigeon-hold and bossed around like that. Life revolts if you try to force it too hard.

So yes, still my heart and hold my tongue (thanks, Coldplay). Kicking and screaming our way through life is no way to live. Being bitter about our circumstances is only being bitter at ourselves. Because maybe you can't control your relationships or your job or who you meet or anything. But you can control how you deal with those things. To me, it looks like sitting back, breathing, and smiling again is the way to deal. Not worrying. Not crying. Not fighting. Just being.

You can say you're going to read all of these books, you can say you're going to pay your bills on time, you can say you'll drink less, you can say you'll keep in touch, but will you? Probably not. Oh because resolutions, they come and go. So the best you can do is smile at what you have, smile at what you are, and fully love those that you have while you have them. (yes, this post is ending while I'm listening to Jamie Cullum. I've been so musically eclectic in these last 10 minutes, huh?).

If you look at your cards in just the right light, I think you might find that you haven't been dealt such a bad hand after all.