Musings On Bartending

Semi-drunken men of the world: Why do you all find it acceptable to ask out your bartender? Using the "semi-drunk" part of your label as an excuse does not work. It is more than that. Are women your own age really that terrible? Are you really that lonely? Do you really think that your completely sober bartender will take the time to give you her number while she's working? Has the line "This martini tastes as good as you look" ever worked on any female bartender (if so, please give me this woman's number as she needs to have some sense knocked into her)? Do you honestly believe that ANY woman wants to date a man who orders a pomegranate martini/cosmopolitan/wine spritzer/margarita?

And now to all men of the world, why do you think it is okay to continually ask a girl out? I feel there are a few things that should automatically end your quest for a date with a girl. Number one, if the girl in question tells you she has a boyfriend, you should give up immediately. I do not understand why you think that a girl who has a boyfriend will STILL go out with you, or at least randomly hook up with you. Do you think we are all cheating sluts? Honestly. Number two, if you know for certain that a girl is 10+ years younger than you, you should immediately move on and start working on someone your own age. Pedophilia never has been and never will be attractive. Number three, if a girl has turned you down once already. You may be desperate and unable to control your libido, but a girl is not going to turn you down one week and change her mind the next. Unlike you, a girl can wait longer than a week for sex and does not need the constant self-esteem boost of a relationship. Therefore, she will not simply surprise you by suddenly saying yes the second, third, or even fourth time you ask her out.

But then again, if you happen to be one of the rare attractive/talented/intelligent men that walk into my bar, then most of the above questioning does not apply to you and so yes, you can buy me a drink. Thanks.