Secrets.

It's hard to believe it's only been two weeks since I graduated and left. So much has happened in two weeks. The entire world shook, crumbled, fell apart, and put itself back together in a whole new way in that two week time period. A little more than two weeks ago, I was drinking champagne and toasting to the year with Maria, Katherine, and Raine at the bench. Two weeks ago, I was sitting in Oslo, smoking a cigarette in the sun with Elisabeth and Raine. A week ago, I was being an embarrassing tourist with Marc in Copenhagen, laughing and happily stumbling back to a hotel. Hell, even six days ago I was riding on the back of a bike on small-town Dutch streets with Marc and his best friend.

Somehow, no matter how hard we try, we never really do manage to say everything to everyone that we hope we will. So here, in random order, are some of the secret things I've wanted to say to different people.

1. I am afraid that you will cut me off because you think you can self-preserve by not thinking of me because I can't be there. If you're not thinking of me, you can't miss me. Don't do that.

2. You hate wine. And emotions. Stop pretending. Be yourself more often, not just what you think you should be for other people or what you think looks good.

3. You inspire me. I wish you would have let me in more when we had the chance. I hope we make up for lost time at some point next year.

4. You scare the shit out of me. Which is maybe why you're the person I use most often as a motif for characters when I write.

5. You are arrogant and empty.

6. Learn to be self-sustaining, it's more dignified.

7. Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll die young of a brain aneurysm if you keep on like this. Relax and enjoy yourself, you're a good person to be just the way you are.

8. I never felt the way you did. I hated you for condemning me for it. I got over it.

9. I cannot decide if you are my opposite or if you are really just everything I wish I could be. Either way, you make me better.

10. You taught me so much about myself. You made me laugh, you made me cry. But I was always, always there, even when I tried not to be. I could never leave you.


Can you figure it out? Or at least, most importantly, do you know which one is yours?